A few years back now, I found out I was having a daughter. My first child, who has now had her third birthday. But at the time, as any first time parent would be, I was nervous.
I was nervous to have a child, sure, but I was even more nervous to have a girl.
I grew up as an only child and boy, so girl stuff hasn’t really been in my repertoire. So, I had no experience with what to expect. Over the years, I had heard things like boys are harder than girls when they are younger, but girls get more challenging at older ages. I never really got any answers that satisfied me.
Another peculiar aspect to this, is that while every woman looks forward to having their own little princess to do their hair, play tea parties and cry over love stories with pints of ice cream, men want to have their own little mini-me who will follow in their exact foot steps, get dirty and do all of the fun dumb hobbies that we men like to do.
I won’t say I was disappointed, but I definitely thought about it.
Guys Fishing Weekend is at a minimum an annual trip. We have had years where we go multiple times, and years where we have only gone once. And one of the primary reasons I love this trip so much is the mentorship.
When guys get together, just for the sake of being guys, we bust each other’s balls with jokes that sting and help guide one another, ridicule the ridiculous right out of someone, and sometimes we even say nice sage wisdom looking to lift another man up.
I had decided to keep the news from the entire crew (except my father, as I am not that cruel) and let them know through my annual tradition of gifting funny shirts to the boys. This year I proudly wore my shirt which said “My Pullout Game is Weak AF”.
The boys were elated! And once I told them it was a girl, they became happier still. But as any good group of guys will do, when they smell the blood of a soon to be first time dad in the water, they laid into me. We laughed, I cried, they laughed, I curled up in a ball in the corner and they laughed again.
After the ridicule, the guys moved into the process of building my ego back up by providing sage advice and mentorship. The kind of mentorship that gives you peace, as they describe what they wish they had known when they were your age. They put you at ease by explaining they forgot to feed the baby once or twice and their kiddo still made it to college. Just relax.
I love this mentorship. I try to soak it up where ever I can. On this specific GFW trip there were only two guys that had any experience with daughters. I wasn’t about to miss my chance to extract all of their knowledge.
When I comes to fishing, and fly fishing specifically, I love the hike in with a fishing buddy. There is the anticipation of endless fishing holes. The laughs from random jokes and stories. And just the presence of another on a journey.
On the last full day of our GFW weekend, we decided to hike into a river. I saw this as my last chance to get sage advice from these two with daughter experience, and made sure we were hiking in together. And when I saw my moment, I sunk my teeth in:
“Should I be as scared as I am about having a girl? It sounds hard and something I am beyond unfamiliar with.”
Now I probably didn’t fully catch them off guard because they knew I was having a girl, but it was an about face from where the conversation was. They could smell the anxiety, and approached me with a little empathy.
“Our girls may just be our favorite kids.”
“There is a different kind of bond that comes with a dad and his daughter that is hard to explain.”
“Believe me, the sports are just as good if not better. Have you ever watch softball?! A much more entertaining game!”
They calmed my nerves about having to raise a daughter in this crazy world of social media, and navigating the perils of dating. They gave me the courage to face the emotional strife that comes with growing up, and tactics to approach the moments of transitioning from girl to women. They squashed all these thoughts and concerns with one simple thought.
“Your job as a dad is just to love them. That is all. If you can do that, the rest will figure itself out.”
As the trail rolled back to the edge of the water we were planning to fish, I felt as ease. There were holes to fish and moments to be made, but I had already caught all I needed from this weekend. In that short little hike to the water, the guys showed me exactly what I needed to catch.
They showed me a little love knowing the rest would figure itself out.
I can safely say, after having a beautiful daughter, I wouldn’t want it any other way. She is the light of my world and her giggle is the sweetest sound in the universe. We enjoy many of the same things, and she is even fascinated by fish.
And when things do get tough, I always come back to this hike in to the water. And I just love on her a little more.