The Fear of First Times

First times. First time anything. The first day of school. The first interview. The first day on a job. The first presentation in front of people. The first failure. The first beer. The first date. The first kiss.

The one thing every “first” has in common with another is fear.

It’s a weird emotion, fear. It can literally cause a physical reaction of profuse sweating and flushed skin. It can cause the mind to go totally blank. It can make a person stand still…frozen.

It’s powerful.

Like the first time you wade across a “full” river, trying to navigate the unstable slimy, mossy rocks. The force of the water forces each step to miss its intended target, causing you to wobble like a new born Bambi.

Each movement highlights the fear of waders filled with water as you’re swept down river…the certain result of a misplaced foot.

But can’t fear also drive us to new experiences?

We are willing to risk our lives wading across that river because of the promise of really great water, holding big fish we wouldn’t have a shot at if we didn’t get to it!

Fear plays a role in so much of our lives, especially if you’re a parent. Even on a small scale, it can prevent us having a tea party with our daughter or taking our kid to catch their first bluegill. We don’t even bother trying because we are scared.

Once upon a time, not only did fear rear its ugly face, but it controlled my existence. It caused me to drink, daily, to the point where I was reliant on alcohol. It became necessary for me to function in everyday life. I couldn’t exist without it, for fear that people wouldn’t like the “sober” me.

However, there came a point where I stopped giving in to it because it prevented me from doing. The “drunk” me wasn’t sustainable. I didn’t like it anymore. I needed to change, which nobody likes because with change comes…you guessed it, fear!

So, I looked my problem straight in the eyes, faced my fear, checked in to rehab, and got sober. It was scary, but I figured it out. Best move I ever made.

Recently, I have noticed some familiar feelings of trouble, negativity, and depression. This time, it is with my career…teaching.

There is a dread, a helplessness, and a daily frustration that accompanies me throughout my day, both during work and out of work. It consumes me and keeps me from being the best I can be.

So, I am looking my problem straight in the eyes, facing my fear, and making a change.

For the first time in 25 years, I am starting a new work life. Goodbye to teaching, and hello to…who knows.

Is it scary? Yup!

Will I figure it out? Yup. I got some ideas.

But here’s the thing: I’m giving fear a new role in the movie of my life. Fear as Motivator! No matter if the next scene in this movie flourishes or flops, fear won’t keep me from l-i-v-i-n!